The Thing
not that stupid thing, whatever that is! its a fisherthem
The Thing, A film released back in 1982, re-written and directed by Johns Woodshed and starring Kurt Brussel Sprouts and Keith DVDs.
Does it still hold up today, is it still a great sci-fi horror film, Let’s find out and of course, there is dark, childish sexual humour and celeb bashing in this so bottle up buttercups
but no Babylons
So Lets Recap
So we start this story in Antarctica, where a team of all MALE US scientists, sorry I mean people who have organic penises are based
and all these guys do sorry my bad again, I mean all these people with an organic penis do is a bit of scientific research,
play with themselves and each other and sometimes play chess with a cheating bastard computer oh and sometimes they get pissed too
and one day they hear trouble outside in which a group of Norwegian scientists in their helicopter are chasing down and trying to kill a dog
I am guessing they found a nice Chinese cookbook and want to try it out.
But the Norwegians decide to accidentally kill themselves with a misplaced grenade – fucking clumsy twat
leaving this dog they were chasing to its new owners, the US research gang
these people who have penises want answers and so they get in their own helicopter and go to the Norwegian base where they discover that these people who also have organic penises
have found some sort of alien that does not have a penis or a vagina but it is a THING that is disgusting filth and not great for kids and it is disappeared like David Blaine tv shows
So now they go back to their own snow-white village and discover that the dog they rescued was the alien life that took over the dog’s body like a parasite.
In which it started to mutate and try to infect the other dogs with its own parasital DNA
But the group of sciencethem kill the dog with a flame thrower and this is where the film starts kicking off as we don’t know who else this dog has infected so let the suspense start rolling and from that, I’m going to stop the recap as I don’t want to spoil the rest for you
The Thing 1982 Negatives
It has one of the worst stories intros of a grenade throw I have ever seen but hey ho
A few of the special effects now look a bit dated but I’m just being very picky as I have seen this film like a million times
I can’t believe brussel sprouts tipped away half a glass of whiskey down a computer, talk about spoilt shit
No vaginas or Babylons in this film, not enough diversity in this film about penisis
Positives
most of the special effects hold up today and are still good, especially in the tense scenes, these practical effects are still better than some of today’s CGI crap!
I love the main movie soundtrack in this film, a great sci-fi horror theme that might make you think Jason Voorhees was in the background lurking somewhere
Great sci-fi story that has been done really well, especially the tension and suspense of what is this creature.
A great cast especially Kurt Brussel Sprouts and Keith Dvd’s acting that make you believe in this story.
The fact that we don’t know what this creature is also makes it more tense and better, this creature might have infected the actual alien that came down in the first place we just don’t know and sometimes less is more
Overall the Thing 1982 fresh review
The thing is still a great sci-fi horror film from John Carpenter that keeps you still on your toes today. The filming of this film works so well cause you feel claustrophobic, tense and paranoid! You just cannot trust anyone
I will watch this again but probably around every 5-to 6 years and that’s why I’m giving the Thing 1982
A Geez us would love this film and so will you, it is still a good solid 4 out of 5 and defo one to add to your sci-fi horror collection
Do you like the thing more than me or did you hate it, I would love to hear your expertise so comment below with your own cheese.
and of course, if you love super sci-movie reviews with dark childish sexual humour in them, click here to subscribe
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