Lee Geez

up next on the Lee Geez chopping block Is Jimmy Cameroon’s “The Abyss” Does it hold up today, Is it a masterpiece?

And of course, this review has some childish dark humour with a bit of celebrity bashing. So bottle up buttercups!

The Abyss

Starring:

Eddy the eagle Harris – who was once described as “the thinking woman’s sex symbol” (ooo er sailor)

also starring Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio – try saying that five times fast

and

Michelangelo Bean – Now this poor fucker needs to get out of the military…. *montage of Aliens, Terminator and The Abyss*

Cameroon is about to take you on an under-the-sea adventure, this is the Sea Life Centre with bells on…

I’m sure Avatar 2 took onboard some of these ideas!

and this film is

Rumoured to be Michael Barrymore’s favourite film for all the underwater loving and great breathing skills’ *giggidy* Quagmire

So let us recap…

The USS Montana submarine has had some encounters with an unidentified submerged object. Which is called a USO, not a UFO

SIDENOTE – for the stupid people in this world, a UFO does not mean it’s a space invader!

it can be anything, it can be a plane, a rocket, a bird, a comet or a stupid spy balloon (china)

it is just unidentified so there

anyways So The Navy seals are gathered and head off to ‘Deep Core’ (giggly)

I’m sure I’ve seen a porno called that… (thinking face)

no, my mistake…. think it was called deep…. (stroking throat)

Anyways

Deep Core is a privately owned drilling platform (giggly)

From this drilling station, these guys are on a search and research basis but also willing to blow stuff up, it seems like a very common Jimmy Cameroon theme here to blow things up!!!…..

Along for the ride is Dr Lindsey Brigman (Mastrantonioooooooo) making this trip slightly awkward as the foreman for ‘Deep Core’ happens to be her estranged husband Bud (Eddie the Eagle Harris) –

Here come the alien shenanigans, yes there are aliens in this film, Spoiler…. the poor little fellas are just trying to communicate and make new friends

Now do you think they stole this scene for Donnie Darko…… or was it vice versa

(darko was released after, about 13 years after lol )

*clip of the water thing from the Abyss*

*clip of the one from Donnie Darko as a comparison*

Hicks……. I mean Lieutenant Coffey of the Navy Seals as mentioned before – explodes in a fit of sci-fi PTSD or High-Pressure Nervous Syndrome (naked gun scene)

as it’s more commonly known in the science world. *Its science – clip from Anchorman*

Arms up a warhead resulting in a fight between Bud and Coffey. (Team America fight scene)

An underwater chase ensues in robot wars-looking sea pods, (robot wars)

resulting in the drowning of Mastrotonio.

She’s saved via CPR and we finally get to see some Bablylons in this movie *Wayne’s world schwing again maybe?? Could it be a recurring thing??* (yep)

Hello, Babylons…

This is where the film starts to really get going.. and on that point,

that’s enough of the recap! as I don’t want to spoil it too much

Negatives:

CGI/Visual effects of this film though still stand up are starting to look a bit dated, but give them a break it was made in 1989 but I still prefer story over visual so is that a negative?

This film has a run time of 140 minutes, so not entirely negative, you will be watching for a while. But for me personally, it does drag on a little too bit too much.

The ending seems a little cheesy and not really sure why they’d choose to expose themselves, after all this time – just to save Eddy the eagle Harris.

PROS:

some amazing cinematography, and some really really great acting in this film gives a very clear narrative of humanity at its best and worst

You really feel emotionally connected to Mr and Mrs Brigman thanks to the phenomenal performances of Harris and Mastrantonio, they have a real love/hate relationship going but you’re rooting for them all the way.

Some really good intense drama especially the revive scene which is great and not just for the babylons and dr Harris in particular in the drowning scene will probably have your bottom lip going a little.

They really capture the claustrophobic nature of how it must feel living underwater with the set designs.

Michael Biehn always excels as a slightly deranged man. You have to love Bean

A good heartwarming ending which we all love!

Overall Of The Abyss

The Abyss is still a really bloody sci-fi film, but I wouldn’t watch it every year, but every 5 years or so

That’s why I am giving the Abyss a

Geez us would love this film and so will you

It is still a good solid 4 out of 5 so buy it and add it to your sci-fi collection, you great sci-fi nerds!

Do you agree or disagree with my review? I would love to hear your cheese so comment below with your expertise of course if you like sci-fi movie reviews with a bit of dark childish humour – feel free to click to subscribe.

Mary Elizabeth Master Transexual – fuck

Mary Elizabeth Massive titsio – shit

Mary Elizabeth Masterbateio – come on you can do it

Mary Elizabeth Man has hard boneio – noooooo

Mary Elizabeth Mass strain on the looio – fuck fuck

Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio