Lee Geez

A quick look back at the 1990 classic Tremors…..Some might say it’s a comedy horror, but it’s based on science and it is fictional, so yes it is science fiction as well.

There is running, jumping, throwing and pole vaulting, that’s right I said pole vaulting! Its basically the Olympics in the desert with big fucking snakes, or as you soon affectionately call the “Graboids”

*clip of Victor Wong saying “graboids” from the film*

Gotta love Victor Wong, seemingly always cast as the crazy old guy!

*quick clip from Big Trouble in Little China and The Golden Child*

Tremors is directed by Ron Underwood who also directed such classics like Mighty Joe Young and the fantastic Billy Crystal film City Slickers…

*Billy Crystal saying “hello” in the cow voice from the movie*

There have been 7 Tremors films so far (exhale visibly) and here we go……

Tremors – (picture flashing up of each movie picture as you say them)
Tremors 2 – Aftershocks
Tremors 3 – Back to Perfection
Tremors 4 – Legend Begins
Tremors 5 – Bloodline
Tremors 6 – A Cold Day in Hell
Tremors 7 – Shrieker Island

You will probably just wanna watch the first one though ( make a face)

Anyway back to the film and a brief description of what these bad boys look like. Picture a 60-foot-long maggot, with a razor-sharp huge bird-like beak that can pull itself along at incredible speed underground. Or Lizzo with a bird’s head. * picture of Lizzo*

What do you mean Lizzo is Sexy? The number of times I have gone up to a girl in the pub or nightclub and told these girls they’re just as sexy as LIZZO, I seem to get a smack across the face (taking the piss off the woke’s) You women, told me how sexy she is, Why doesn’t it work?

The story follows Val (Kevin Bacon) and Earl (Fred Ward) a couple of hillbilly hicks who work odd jobs in search of a quick buck and a way out of this tiny dead-end town, ironically named the ‘City of Perfection’. Established in 1902 with a population of 14, more chance of inbreeding than Leominster in this place 😉

The area surrounding Perfection has seen some strange seismic anomalies, introducing us to Rhonda Le Beck played by Finn Carter. A student of MSU whom Val having heard on the small town grapevine has replaced their regular nerd, is hoping is a hot piece of ass, and who can blame him with only 13 other people around…

Anyway, Val and Earl decide to hot-tail it out of town and on to Bisby for true city life…

Now ‘Perfection’ is referred to as a ‘city’ in this movie, so i’m thinking Bisby must have atleast 30 people there (hold chin thinking)

They don’t get far before they find a man up a telephone pole, old man farmer Fred’s dead face sticking out of the ground and a very inconvenient rock slide forcing them back to town. (say it quickly)

The graboids have been discovered and the cat is out of the bag, now for the rescue/save all our asses mission.

Val and Earl get supplied up at Walter Chang’s store (Victor Wong) who must be related to Arkwright and Grandville to keep a store going with 14 people in town!!!

*clip from Open All Hours*

They saddle up some horses and try to get help from Bisby. The horses are taken out by the Graboids and they have to run and jump into a submerged concrete sewage culvert killing the Graboid as it tries to burst through the wall, which coincidences with the reintroduction of Le Beck who witnesses the exchange.

*This is the biggest zoological find of the century* Movie clip (Tremors)

*no way old Walter’s having this one for 15 bucks*

Here comes the Prairie Olympics……

They pole up like Dylan Mulvaney in a women’s prison and go rock to rock for Le Beck’s truck and get themselves back to Arkwrights – I mean Walter Changs store.

All the while leaving Mindy an 8-year-old girl whose mother is single (Segway to you wondering who the dad is in a town of only 14 people) *a picture of each male character on the screen* (Ariana Richards) playing outside on a pogo stick having already established that these giant snake fuckers track you via vibrations through the ground…

*Jelly shaking scene from Jurassic Park with Ariana Richards*

Turns out these snakey graboid fuckers are smarter than everyone thought and are digging a big hotpot underground and the small town folk are the meat for the broth.

However, Val, Earl, Rhonda and the gang have a couple of aces up their sleeves in Heather and Burt played by Reba McIntire and Michael Gross respectively, a pair of local survivalists living on the outskirts of town. No Fritzl business here though, they are just prepared for anything and armed to the teeth.

With the help of their arsenal (not those bottlers in the premier league) but a real arsenal

*pull them out of there, they are pulling out a fucking arsenal”* Scene from Point Break

they are gunna make there way out of town on a Fury Road esk, Cool Runnings less than feel-good uphill bobsled pulled along on a bobcat trip of dynamite fishing and elephant gun hunting safari . (said very fast)

This is a whole new level *clip of duck hunt game*

NEGATIVES

Some of the acting is really lame, but ill understand that from a 30-year-old movie!

There’s no real story in this film but is that a negative?

Because of the nostalgic effect of this film, it is tough to pick out any negatives, but if you can think of any please feel free to comment below.

I guess maybe Val’s hat is a bit shit (thinking face)

Val could have asked Rhonda to take more than just her pants off (grinning face) *”take your pants off” scene from Tremors*

oh oh oh I thought of one….. orange blood was as orange as Liam M’s head! Ginger bastard lol

The only other slight negative and this has nothing to do with the film, is the debate that could be held over whether or not this could even be considered a “sci-fi” film. Comment below with an opinion, please…

POSITIVES

A fantastic throwback to the creature features of old throwing us back to the negatives just discussed, the “graboids” could be aliens for all we know (shrug shoulders) and the film does feature seismology that’s science, right!? * Ron Swanson – “It’s Science” from Anchorman*

I love the quirky comedy and buddy-buddy cop feel of Val and Earl.

And this is 1990 so no blue-screen CGI nonsense, and Mr and Mrs Graboid still look good to this day, much like another favourite of mine Dog Soldiers, proving a film doesn’t always have to be super elaborate or full of effects, it just needs to tell a story well, no matter how far fetched it may be.

Overall…..

Liam M wrote this review and I know that Liam ‘M’ can’t recommend this film enough, one of his all-time favourites, you’ll be entertained, and have a real good laugh, but still wonder what ladies in the 80’s liked about Kevin Bacon…. he’s a weird-looking fucker….

Liam M Would give this a 5 out of 5

For me, Maybe not be an every-year film to watch, I would watch it every 5 years and that’s why I’m giving it a Geez Us would love this film so buy it and add it to your sci-fi collection.

Still, after 30 years, it is a good solid 4 out of 5