Up for review this week,
Is the Nelly Blommingcampus film Elysium
*you are in the Elysium clip from Gladiator*,
The director of other sci-fi films such as District 9 and Chappie – with robots robots and more robots, I think this guy has a real boner for robots
*face as if you’re thinking*
*a small clip of Terminator walking* *small clip of Wayne from Wayne’s World going “Swing Swing”*
Into
So let us recap …….
In the late 21st century earth was diseased, polluted and vastly overpopulated”
The year is 2154 and the world is a dystopian mess.
The rich of the rich live on a space station above Earth called Elysium a utopian paradise, probably built by Elon Musk’s great-grandson, but unspecified…maybe musk is building it right now but he can’t really cause we all know the world is flat…
Our main character Max
* Matt Damon clip from Team America*
Max A.k.a- Better is known as Ben Hairflicks Gay Lover Matty The Hatty Demon for his Oscar-winning role in Team America ~CLip~
is a hard-working 9 to 5 robot maker factory man who gets irradiated in a mishap that given the technological advances could probably have been prevented.
You know one of those dickheads in Health and Safety will be all over this! “why did this happen? why did you do that for?” Do you know how health is safety is very important?” etc etc
Not in the reality of this film though, these bitches are poor and expendable. Nobody gives a shit!
side note – nobody gives a shit It was just like our own King Charley the adultery. The only reason people watched the coronation was to see if the goddamn halo helmet would fit due to his ears! True story.
Now Max only has days to live due to his accident and needs a trip to Elysium to fix himself up or he’s a dead man,
you’ll find out why, keeping the spoiler alerts to a minimum.
Despite his current tribulations, he has an old life – as a Ford Van Petrol ending from Fast and the Furious was a whooping criminal with special connections.
Enter Spiderman, a crusader for humanity trying to get the poor shit scum to Elysium minus the people from Alabama, they are beyond saving… Apparently according to Donald Trumping
Also, He can save MATT DAMON by hooking him up to a biomechanical suit *clip of him in the suit*, but he’s got to do him a favour and get some codes for Elysium’s security systems and a quick blowjob.
The quid pro quo is that Max can save his own ass via the technology available in paradise.
A plot is hatched between Spiderman and Maximus to commandeer a go-between of Earth and Elysium, a rich guy called John Carlisle – has got them codes 😉
However, the director of this big ass space station Elysium Defense Secretary Jessica Delacourt played by a Lesotho actress Jodie Forest
*hello Clarice, the silence of the lamb’s clip* Is aware of the plot and hires in the A-Team,
or just the nutty one, Murdock Shartlito Cosplay aka Kruger, who is also sporting some mechanics of his own. He probably built them out of old tins and household tools in a shed! *A Team clip*
A battle begins to brew between Max and Kruger…
We all know Americans love a happy ending but the ending of this shant be given away and that’s the end of the plot for now.
The negatives of this film
Some of the plots make a little bit of no sense! MATT DAMON’s Max is just an ordinary poor guy that has No real motivation to go to Elysium, he has no kids, no wife, no family and his life is going nowhere, basically, his character is one of the bums on Earth and should just roll over and die
It would have been a little better if his motivation was either family, drugs, women or gambling but apart from his life (which I know is motivation) but he has no real purpose – I know it is just a film and I can be wrong but that’s my opinion disagree with me below
Another issue, I have with the plot is the rich people do not want to send down to earth those units that can cure all diseases,
maybe they could give the earthlings a blueprint or something to help them surely or just to take the piss out of them
there’s something about scratching each other’s backs but I guess then the plot would have been messed up
so that’s my negatives are a little of the story! nothing else
The Positives of this film
Shartlito’s Cosplay as the nasty bad guy is fricking brilliant in this film, he controls every scene he’s in and so is MATT DAMON, Personally I think it’s Matt Damon’s best acting since he has had to that row a boat shrink!
The robot CGI is awesome, I expect that from Bloomingfist, and the feel of the movie is great. You can believe it’s a real earth
Great action, a great story and really well put together!
Overall Of this film
I really loved this film and a significant change of pace for Matt Damon. The story is excellent, the cast is excellent, the effects are great and it’s a very very underrated sci-fi movie.
It does have that social justice commentary feel of the rich have everything and the rest have nothing feel about it * Ron Swanson – “Capitalism is gods way of determining who is smart and who is poor” *but genuinely a great film
I do really love this film but I wouldn’t watch it every year, maybe every 4-5 years.
That’s why I’m giving it a
Geez Us would love this film and so will you
It is a good solid 4 out of 5
Add it to your sci-fi collection
I would love to hear your expertise so comment below with your own cheese and if you love sci-fi movie reviews with a stupid sense of humour, click to subscribe
and a big Shout out to my number 1 fan Liam for helping me with this review! I love you Liam, you the best. A lot better than that Dirty man.
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