Lee Geez

Back in a galaxy far far away

Back in July 1999 where millions of star wars fans qued for hours to see the new stars wars film, The phantom menace.

With Great Anticipation

This is one of those fans, who qued for hours with great expectation, he watched the film and after he was left with this face for days

A face where being a big star wars fan, was forced upon him just like the millions of other star wars fans worldwide

A face that forced a smile on his face in defiance, a face that pretended he loved the movie, a face that told his friends that the phantom menace was an amazing film

A face that you could tell that in reality that he had his heart broken and was in denial.

A film that was nearly 20 years in the making to break his heart and that of millions of star wars fans across the GLOBE

This is The Phantom Menace!

well today, I thought I would review the phantom menace so here it is

Let us recap the storyline

Boring Politics, Boring Politics, ohhh a little Jedi fight,

Boring Politics, Boring Politics, Jar jar binks

Let talk about jar jar binks or What I like to call him Jar Jars Bucks

Let us imagine, gorge pukas and his team are there all sitting around the table and coming up with ideas for jar jar binks, apparently the new Chewbacca so they can sell toys

ohhhh, who do kids love that we can rip off, and make money – come on Team

Mickey Mouse, nah don’t want a Disney lawsuit, great idea.. next

Michael Jackson

I said who do kids love, not the over way round

Mario, Mario Mario or Mario ron jeremy singing pavorriti ?

Ohh yes! Kids love Mario, who doesn’t? The voice of Mario. I like that

What? make him tall and green

Lose the moustache, and big googly eyes

can we make him a dinosaur? No, but I like your thinking!

Kids love amphibians!!! yes now were talking

he can swim, yes

how about a giant salamander

Yes yes yes

and make him a clown so he knocks everything over etc…

Kids love clowns… Oh My God

So we are going to have a big large green salamander that’s a clown and talks like Mario!

Well call him Jar Full Of Bucks, no no that’s too obvious

kids will love that and my bank balance will explode

Boring Politics, Boring Politics sea creatures

Boring Politics, Boring Politics R2D2

Boring Politics, Boring Politics ohh C3P0

Boring boring, oh the pod racing

Boring Politics, Boring Politics, a swift light sabre battle

Ohhh Yoda and his gang pedos

Boring Politics, Boring Politics

shit CGI war, shit space battle and an extraordinary Lightsaber Duel

and that’s the storyline.

The negatives

of this film are…. where do I start Jar jar binks…… Time goes by

and finally, no one can really act in this film, it is so emotionless, there’s no crying, there’s no smiling there’s no shock, there’s just nothing, it is like all the cast had been told by George Mucus

You’ve all come out of rehab so you have no feelings

…..except the guy who played Captain Panaka, acted by Hugh QuerShe he was the only one that looked like he actually cared about this film

Even Samual Jackson’s character is fricking boring, my god Samual Jackson boring? Never apart from this film

The positives

The lightsaber duel at the end which I do enjoy, the movie score is quite good and jar jar naahhhh just kidding.

Overall Of the phantom menace

To me, this film is not a film, it’s one giant TV advert to sell lots and lots of Merchandise toys, and that’s why it was designed for kids.

Hey, Mom, can I have that New Jar Jar Binks Toy, he is so cool! ok, son with the rest of your 500-star Wars toys, anything for an easy life

This to me is not a film, it’s a money spinner. Well done George Puckus for ripping off the true star wars fans here, I applaud you, Sir! -C*&T

Take note James Cameron, storyline over graphics, not graphics over the storyline

Do not buy this film, do not even rent it. The only way to watch this film is on a Sunday afternoon while nursing a hangover and it is on the tv in the background while you are recovering and contemplating life!

You never really need this movie in your life!

Score

This film is A Geez Full of Cheese movie

It’s a 2 out of 5 star and I’m only giving that due to the lightsaber scene at the end!

Do you agree? did you love the film more than me? or did you hate it, would love to hear your cheese so comment with your own expertise?

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I hope they make episode 2 better!